By Ina Gallo
Imagine this: a manufacturer for parts, let’s call them “Mapas” needs a bespoke software solution for its distribution management, which is critical for its operations. They commission a specialist provider “Specpro” to design, build and implement the solution. The project had overrun significantly, costs had spiralled, and the relationship had broken down completely. Mapas’s position was clear: Specpro had failed to deliver what was promised. Specpro’s position was equally firm: Mapas had constantly changed requirements and refused to engage constructively throughout the project.
Each of them had assembled their evidence. Lawyers had exchanged correspondence back and forth, positions were laid out. Both companies were preparing for what looked like an inevitable and expensive court battle. The contractual arguments were detailed and technical. The financial claims ran into many thousands of pounds.
Before engaging in litigation, the companies turned to mediation, where I come in. When I spoke to the people in each company individually during the mediation, a different picture emerged. The Mapas’ IT Director admitted what had been driving his increasingly aggressive stance: his board had trusted him to deliver this project. If it failed, his position was at risk. He was terrified of being exposed as having made a catastrophic decision.
SpecPro’s Project Manager revealed her own concerns: her company’s reputation depended on successful client relationships. This project going to court would be damaging, perhaps fatally so, for a relatively young business. She was afraid that settling would be seen as admitting they had done poor work.
Of course, neither of these underlying motivations and fears had been mentioned in any of the legal correspondence. Yet they were exactly what had made the dispute become so intractable.
The pattern I see repeatedly
After many years as a mediator, I have come to recognise a pattern. Business disputes present themselves as contractual disagreements, pricing disputes, or conflicts over obligations and performance. But underneath, there is almost always something else. There is fear.
In shareholder disputes, the surface issue might be about company direction or profit distribution. However, the underlying motivation is often a fear of losing control or being pushed out. In supplier and customer fallouts, the stated dispute might be in substance about delivery delays, failures, pricing or service levels. But the real blocker to resolution is fear, about being exploited or being seen as weak if a compromise is mentioned. In intellectual property disputes, the legal arguments might be complex and technical. But the fear is often about loss and exposure, about your core business being vulnerable.
These fears are rarely irrational. They are often based on very real risks. Because it is uncomfortable naming them in a business context, they are masked behind, and translated into, legal positions and contractual arguments. And in doing so, resolution becomes almost impossible.
How fear creates the deadlock
Fear drives a predictable cycle. It starts with unmet expectations, perhaps never clearly articulated because we were afraid to appear demanding or distrustful and weak at the same time. When things start to go wrong, communication breaks down. We stop talking openly because we are afraid of conflict or of revealing our own vulnerabilities.
As communication deteriorates, problems escalate. Small issues that could have been resolved with a conversation become evidence of bad faith. Positions harden. We take defensive stances because we are afraid of appearing weak. The other party interprets our defensiveness as aggression and responds in kind. Before long, what started as a manageable disagreement has become a serious dispute, with both sides entrenched.
Traditional legal approaches often make this worse. Legal letters escalate rather than resolve. Negotiations become positional because both sides are afraid to show any weakness. The real issue underneath never gets addressed.
What mediation does differently
Mediation creates something that adversarial approaches cannot: a safe space. That might sound soft in a commercial context, but it is profoundly practical. When people feel safe enough to name what they are really afraid of, solutions become possible.
A skilled mediator breaks the fear cycle. First, they create an environment where each party can be heard properly, often for the first time in months. And that involves not just assessing their legal position, but listening to their actual concerns and fears. Second, through individual sessions, they uncover the real causes of the conflict. Third, they reframe the issues in ways that allow both parties to move forward without losing face.
There is a phrase I often use in mediations: we are here to share the pain. It acknowledges that both parties are suffering, a truth which fear often prevents people from seeing. When you are stuck in a dispute, it is easy to believe that the other side is comfortable, confident, even enjoying your discomfort. They rarely are. They are usually just as stuck, just as afraid, just as desperate for a way out.
Mediation has an 87% settlement rate. That is not because mediators are magicians or because the legal issues suddenly become simple. It is because mediation addresses what is really going on.
A question worth asking
If you are in a business dispute that feels stuck, it might be worth asking yourself: what am I actually afraid of? What might the other party be afraid of? Naming the fear, even just to yourself, can be remarkably clarifying.
Sometimes disputes genuinely need to go to court. But if you find yourself in a conflict where both sides are spending enormous amounts of money and emotional energy, where the relationship is being destroyed, and where you cannot quite articulate why you cannot find a way through, fear might be what is keeping you stuck.
Understanding that can be the first step to moving forward.
If this resonates and you are in a business dispute that feels deadlocked, mediation might offer a way through. I would be happy to discuss whether it could work for your particular situation.
And, if you would like to learn more about the process of mediation and how it can help to unlock disputes, resources from my recent Legal Live are available here.
