Why I Bought Champagne Truffles in a German Coffee Shop (And How It Can Help You with your Legal Stuff)

And then I got absolutely pounded. The other side were ultra-aggressive from the start. Every time I tried to explain something or offer any of that bargaining capital, they jumped down my throat. Which made me defensive. Then made me attack back. Again and again. 

The meeting finished inside two hours. Having to report back that we’d failed to land the deal and the iceberg was still very much real and sitting in front of us was one of the hardest updates I’ve ever had to give. After that, I well and truly drowned my sorrows (which possibly explains why I ended up collapsed on my hotel room floor at 4am).

That’s Just What Legal Stuff Is Like, Isn’t It? 

We’ve been conditioned to think that legal disputes are naturally combative. That when things go wrong in business, you gear up for a fight. You get your solicitor. They get theirs. And you essentially step into a wrestling ring. 

The imagery isn’t far off. Legal combat has all the hallmarks of a wrestling match: it’s theatrical, it’s exhausting, some people are wearing silly costumes. And whilst everyone’s watching the spectacle, the real damage is happening behind the scenes. 

But what if I told you that legal combat isn’t inevitable? That it’s actually a choice? And that there’s a better way that gets you better results across every single metric that matters? 

The Seven Hidden Costs Nobody Tells You About 

Before we get to the solution, let’s be brutally honest about what legal combat actually costs you. 

It’s dehumanising. The other party stops being a person and becomes ‘the opposition.’ We have arguments, not debates. Negotiations, not discussions. You forget they’re someone you might need to work with tomorrow. 

It’s stressful, hard work. Those sleepless nights. The constant churning in your stomach. The dread when another email arrives from your solicitor. All whilst you’re supposed to be running your business. Every ounce of energy you put into fighting is energy you’re not using to drive your business forward. 

It’s lengthy and time consuming. Agreeing takes no time at all. A handshake, done. But arguing over every point? That takes time. It now takes an average of 50.7 weeks for small claims to go from being issued to having their hearing. For larger claims, we’re up at 76.8 weeks. That’s almost a year and a half just to be heard. 

It’s expensive. Yes, you’ll hear about no win, no fee arrangements. Yes, some lawyers have adopted the sensible habit of charging fixed fees. But the bulk of legal work is still done on a charge-by-the-hour basis, which makes legal combat hellishly expensive. 

It’s uncertain. You don’t know the outcome. You’re dealing with people, and people are messy, complicated and unpredictable. That’s best illustrated by the ‘hungry judge effect’, where your result in court can actually be different depending on whether the judge has had their lunch or not. 

It’s relationship ending. If you’ve been fighting against someone, it’s pretty certain they’re not going to want to work with you again. Just look at Taylor Swift and Scooter Braun. She got so upset about him taking ownership of her early albums that she re-recorded every single one of them in painstaking detail to devalue what he had. That’s impressive dedication to getting even. 

And it may still be futile. Even if you win, it doesn’t necessarily work. Contracts get breached day in, day out. Legal wins in court are pointless if you can’t enforce them because the other side doesn’t have the cash. Putting somebody into liquidation might make you feel good for a tiny bit, but it certainly doesn’t help your bottom line. 

All these costs compound. They feed off each other.  

Which is probably why, from our schools to our pubs to our streets, we’ve worked hard as a society to outlaw combat. Public violence has been illegal since 1861. Yet somehow combat still rules the roost in law. 

One Simple Act Changed Everything 

For all my despair that night in New York, it turns out that meeting hadn’t been the complete disaster I’d imagined. 

Before we finished, I asked to meet my opposite number alone. Just me and him. And in that meeting, I apologised. 

I had no authority whatsoever from my board to apologise. I didn’t apologise for anything specific. I certainly didn’t say we’d done anything wrong. I just apologised that we had clearly annoyed him. 

He took the opportunity to give me another monstering. But it turns out that was what broke the ice. That apology, that decision to humanise things, to forget about the commercials I’d spent so long working on and just deal with the person in front of me, that was the catalyst. 

Eighteen months later, I found myself in a chocolate shop in Düsseldorf. 

A Box of Truffles That Cost £20 Each 

It’s September 2017. I’m in Konditorei Heinemann, and I’ve just bought the most expensive chocolates in the world. Champagne truffles. The label told a story: these were voted the world’s best champagne truffles by a club that had tested 57,000 different chocolates worldwide over five years.  

And they’ve cost me £202 for ten, or just over £20 per truffle. 

I’ve bought them for the fellow who gave me such a hard time back in New York. They’re the final part of a deal between us that secured the new market and melted that iceberg. Something that would have been unthinkable 18 months ago. 

But that’s what happens when you take a collaborative, relationship-first approach to your legal stuff. You build something big. Something genuinely world class. Something that stands up to scrutiny. Something that creates value for everyone involved (not just the lawyers billing by the hour). 

The Five Steps to Being ‘Relationship First’ 

So, what does a collaborative approach actually look like? Well, it comes down to five key steps: 

1. Adopt a positive, trusting mindset.We humans have a natural tendency to focus on negatives. We constantly worry about being stiffed. But I believe the vast majority of people in business are looking for fruitful, enjoyable collaborations. Start with trust and respect. You’re hoping to work successfully with them for years to come. So don’t prepare for what you’ll do if things go wrong. Instead, prepare to make things go right. 
2. Do your homework.Find out about the person and business on the other side. Who’s bigger? Who’s got more cash? Who’s doing something unusual? What recent events have shaped them? How do their growth ambitions match yours? It’s never been easier with the resources available online and AI to help. Take the time to understand the context. Ignorance brings you nothing. 
3. Actively make it work for both of you.Deals are often billed as battles. For me to win, you have to lose. But that presents business as a pie that doesn’t grow. It’s much better to see it as an ever-growing pie where we both win. Be reasonable. Don’t ask for something you wouldn’t accept yourself. Explain everything in plain English. When two sides work together, they both work harder, they’re more committed, and they make it a success. 
4. Only lock in for a short term.If something’s working, people will want to keep doing it. You don’t need legal shackles. As NFL coach Mike Tomlin says, ‘We want volunteers, not hostages.’ Success binds people together far more tightly than any document ever can. 
5. Pro-actively manage things.Don’t chuck your contract in a drawer. Early identification of minor niggles stops them becoming big issues. That only happens with deliberate, active communication. Give someone on each side ownership. Require them to meet regularly, monthly ideally, to review how things are going. Agree that any concerns, however small, are raised immediately. Don’t let things fester. 

The Business Case Is Overwhelming 

When you take a collaborative approach: 

• Things move faster. You’re not putting energy into fighting. No more wasted weeks, months or years. 

• It’s cheaper. Fewer hours for lawyers to bill means more money to put into your business. 

• It’s more effective. You’ll have built a stronger network, with two happy parties working together. 

• You create more opportunities. Instead of burning bridges, you’re building them. 

• Your business becomes more robust and resilient. It will feel more personal, more human. It might even be more fun! 

Love Wins in Legal 

I know ‘love’ might seem odd in a legal context. But dropping the legal combat and putting relationships first isn’t soft. It’s smart business. 

When you prioritise the relationship, when you treat the other party with respect and genuine care for a mutually beneficial outcome, you get better results. Every single time. 

And best of all, it’s controlled by you. Because legal combat is a choice. And there is another way.